Nerves

Late night veg + hummus snack last night.  Making good choices instead of eating all the dessert.  Sore hips, sore back, squirmy baby.  Not easy to get comfortable in bed and stay asleep between the aches, the anxiety, and the anticipation.  What a ride.

Yoga has helped.  Prayer has too, in whatever form it has taken lately.  And staying busy as much as my body will allow.  Short trips out in the heat.  Planning as many errands as possible during the cooler morning hours.  Dips in the pool when I feel myself getting too hot after watering the lawn or walking the dog.

And I have pre-delivery nerves like crazy these days.

Beyond 35 weeks is new territory.

My feelings have been ALL OVER THE PLACE lately, reverberating the realization that we had delivered, held, and lost Ian by now.  Occasionally, I call D by I’s name because I think about our first boy so much. My body is tired, mind fatigued, and heart sore from jumping between joy and fear.

With D we’ve progressed farther, the weather is hotter, and all signs indicate we’re far more likely to have a third person at home in four weeks.  But I know that can still change:  there are surprised grieving mothers everywhere.  Today there’s a baby being born earlier than expected, with complications.  So it’s time to send some more good vibes and approach the great paradox, the abundance and precariousness of life, with reverence.

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Nerves